Fools, buckle up.
We’ve arrived at Week 14, the final week of the regular season. The place where dreams are realized, seasons are destroyed, and at least one person is crushed by the tiebreak rules every year.

We’ve got division races, elimination games, circular tiebreak nightmares, and yes… teams you thought were dead are somehow still alive.

Let’s walk through where every team stands heading into the final weekend.

BOOGIE DIVISION

Show Me Your TDs (Austin) – 11–2

• Is the Division Champ
• Has secured a First-round bye
• Is still competing with Scott for the #1 overall seed. If Scott wins this week and Austin loses, he will lose the first seed to Scott.

Koukain Flain (Adam) – 6–7

• Technically still alive. I’m surprised, too!
• Cannot win the division
• Can get a wildcard spot if he wins and if the right teams lose. His fate will be decided by the Tiebreak Vortex if he wins this week. If he loses, he’s done.

Grand Admiral Jawn (Joey) – 2–11

• Eliminated. Has been for weeks.
• Is probably already thinking about next year and doing mock drafts with the #1 overall pick.
• God speed, Joey.

SUCK IT BRYANT DIVISION

Captain Morgan (Scott) – 10–3

• Is the Division Champ!
• Has secured a First-round bye
• Clinches #1 seed with a win and an Austin loss.

Bower Rangers (Jensen) – 8–5

• Has locked in a Wild Card spot!
• Has really nothing to worry about this week.
• The silent assassin of the playoffs? BARK BARK WOLF WOLF

King Henry (Murkve) – 6–7

• Still alive technically.
• Plays the Faks this week in a win-or-go-home matchup. Even if he wins, his fate will be determined by the Tiebreak Vortex.

YOU’D CREAM DIVISION

Halestorm (Kory) – 7–6

• Can win the division with a win this week or a Justin loss
• If he loses and Justin wins, Justin will most likely win the division and his fate will be determined by the Tiebreak Vortex.

Current Champ – Kachow (Justin) – 6–7

• Can win the division with a win this week if he wins and Kory loses.
• If Kory wins, will lose the division.
• If he loses and Kory wins, Justin’s fate will be determined by the Tiebreak Vortex.

The Faks (Bryant) – 6–7

• Somehow still alive
• Cannot win the division, but in the hunt for the last wildcard spot.
• Must beat Murkve to stay alive.
• If I beat Murkve, my fate will be determined by the Tiebreak Vortex.

MDF DIVISION

Bryant’s Tiny Grill (Chris) – 7–6

• Division Champ. Makes the Playoffs. Yay.

The Nemmonster (Nathan) – 5–8
Pitt of Despair (Corey) – 4–9

• Both eliminated. RIP.

THE FINAL WILD CARD: THE TIEBREAK VORTEX

What we know:

• Austin, Scott, Chris are our divisional champs and will have the #1, #2, and #3 seeds. Chris is guaranteed the #3 seed, but the #1 and #2 seeds will be decided this week.
• Kory or Justin will be our last divisional champ and the #4 seed.
• Jensen has locked up the first wild card spot and the #5 seed.

That leaves Wild Card #2 and the #6 seed. There will be potentially THREE teams in the hunt for that spot after this week:

• Either Justin or Kory (whichever one doesn’t win the You’d Cream Division)
• Either Bryant or Murkve (whichever team wins their matchup)
• Adam if he wins this week.

A few of those teams will enter the TIEBREAK VORTEX where tiebreaks will determine who gets the final wildcard spot. From there it gets real messy and not worth talking about because the tiebreaks are all over the place and wont clarify until the end of games this week. You don’t really want to be in the Tiebreak Vortex. SOMEONE will emerge from there with a 7-7 record to make the playoffs. Two teams could be 7-7 and not make the playoffs because they lost a game in September or because another team scored a few more points than they did this year. It will be traumatic. Prepare your therapists.

And that’s it, that’s the math.

Week 14 has become the perfect storm:

• A division still in play
• A true elimination game (gg, Murk)
• A scoring monster who isn’t safe (Justin)
• Adam somehow still alive (I thought I killed you)
• A potential three-way circular tiebreak of doom (please don’t let this happen, Jesus)
• And Jensen being unbothered AF

Good luck, managers.
May your tiebreaks be gentle and your bench decisions wise. (Maybe I should start Bucky?)

The power rankings are below (HEY AUSTIN IS ON TOP!)