Captain Morgan and the Quest for a Loss

Maybe we shouldn’t have let Scott have Emeka Egbuka back.

Captain Morgan isn’t just sitting at the top of the Power Rankings for the third straight week, he’s also the only undefeated team left in the league. At 5-0, he’s rocking a 90% chance to make the playoffs based on 2023–2024 data. His squad is a juggernaut of fantasy goodness, averaging over 150 points per week, which is both impressive and deeply unsettling.

If you want to beat Scott (no, Corey), your team can’t just perform. It has to transcend. This week, that burden falls on Austin, who will try to hand the captain his first loss.

Speaking of Austin, he and Kory are our only two 4-1 teams heading into Week 6, claiming the #2 and #3 spots respectively in the Power Rankings. Both are averaging over 140 points per game and have a 75% shot at the postseason as of right now. Austin’s got the heavyweight bout against Scott this week, while Kory faces The Champ (Justin) in what’s sure to be a spicy matchup.

Sitting at 3-2 are Justin and Chris — The Champ and The Cat. They each have a clean 50/50 shot at making the playoffs. It’s the fantasy equivalent of flipping a coin and hoping it doesn’t land on “injured.” Spoiler alert… it kind of always lands on injured.

Then comes the crowded middle tier: Corey, Murkve, Nathan, and me, all 2-3 and staring down the barrel of irrelevance. Statistically, our odds to make the playoffs are just 25%, which feels about right given how my lineup performed the first three weeks of the season. This is a prove-it week for all four of us. Win and we’re alive, lose and we’re probably dust. And not the cool kinda dust that has spice in it from Dune. (Austin just creamed).

And finally… the basement. Jensen, Adam, and Joey sit at 1-4, each clinging to a 9% chance of postseason glory. It’s bleak down there. Hope is faint, it’s getting dark early big guys.

Before I go, a shout out to our wives / Erics / MEEEEEGGGHHAAANNSSNSNS.

As most of you know, I was down bad last week. There were a couple of days where I couldn’t get up off the couch, and not in a Corey way. It was rough. But through it all, Allison took incredible care of me. She grabbed medicine, made sure I was still breathing, and didn’t even blink when the TV stayed locked on football highlights and random YouTube rabbit holes all week.

When we say “in sickness and in health,” it’s easy to picture the health part. The good days, the vacations, the laughs. But those words hit differently when you’ve got a fever for the third day straight and you need someone else’s help just to function. Allison cared for me with patience, love, and zero complaints.

I’d bet your spouses would’ve done the same for you, and that’s something worth celebrating and treasuring. So if you get a second today, remind your person how much they mean to you and how committed you are to them. In sickness or in health.

Here’s the rest of the Power Rankings: