Uncle Dick’s Sunday Beat Off (Week 5) 

 *I asked GPT on my laptop, not phone, to generate this week’s cartoon. It does not have the cache of my pervious designs and this is what it gave me. 10/10, no notes* 

Right now, your fantasy lineup probably looks like the Tune Squad at halftime in Space Jam. The scoreboard is at 66–18, the Monstars flexing, and the locker room is heavy with doubt. You’ve taken body blows—injuries, waiver wire chaos, depth charts flipping like pancakes. It’s tempting to throw up your hands and say, “Not my year.” (Bryant you should 100% do this.)

But remember what happens in that locker room? Bugs Bunny finds Michael’s “Secret Stuff”. Everyone takes a sip, the music hits, and suddenly they believe again. And here’s the twist you already know: it wasn’t magic. It was water. The power wasn’t in the bottle—it was in the BELIEF that the game wasn’t over.

The time to nut up or shut up is NOW!

You don’t need a miracle waiver-wire fairy or a trade partner who gifts you a superstar. You need to believe and work the plan:

1. Adapt faster than the injuries hit.
   Next player up. Stream the matchup. Handcuff the backfields. Pivot off name value and play opportunity. The Monstars are big, but they can overcome agility!
2. Win the margins.
   Sure your starting RB accounted for 25ppg so far this season. We don’t need 1 player to pick up that load (no corey). We just need to spread those point across 2-3 solid solutions. Moneyball this SHIT!
3. Trade with purpose, not panic. (a literal impossible task for this group)
   Package depth for a weekly advantage. Buy low on elite usage. Sell high on unsustainable touchdowns. Build a roster that makes your lineup decisions easy.
4. Play your style.
   Need floor? Stack target hogs. Need upside? Embrace boom/bust in the flex. The Tune Squad didn’t out-Monstar the Monstars—they got weird, played to their strengths, and changed the tempo. It’s gut check time!
5. Compete every week.
   One win changes the math of your season. Get to the playoffs and anything can happen. Fantasy titles aren’t handed out in October—they’re stolen in December by managers who never stop pushing!

You’ve been clipped. So has everyone else. Some will sulk. You won’t. You’re the team that walks out of halftime with swagger, grinning like Bugs, nodding like Mike, and saying, “Run it again.”

So take a swig of your Secret Stuff (no corey!)—call it confidence, preparation, or flat-out refusal to lose. Set the waivers. Send the trade offers. Dial in the lineup. One smart move at a time, one drive at a time. And when the final horn sounds, the other side won’t say you got lucky; they’ll say you never quit.

Scoreboard says 66–18?

Good. That just means you’re about to make a story worth telling.

Now go win the second half!