Week Nine Power Rankings: Worst Rankings of All Time

I wanted to write about something else this week. But sometimes someone says something so stupid that it’s all you can think about and any prior plans you had for content go out the window because you must address it.

Corey gave us the WORST rankings of anything we’ve ever seen in the long and storied history this league and of Fool Town. Let’s revisit in case you missed it.

We didn’t really ask for it. But Corey took it upon himself to give us a rankings of the best fruit. This is what he produced:

1. Mango (I know what Kory the apple loving twat boy will say… “mangos aren’t good throughout blah blah blah…” irrelevant!!! The sections that are good are FAR superior to apples)
2. Nectarines
3. A good soft pear
4. Bananas (so much more useful than apples)
5. Tomatoes (someone explain this to everyone but me!)
6. Justin

The only thing right about this rankings is Justin at six. Other than that, I think this might be a cry for help. Or maybe an international crime? MANGOS!?!?! A PEAR!?!?! NO APPLES!?!?!

Just this morning (11/7) he tried to amend these rankings:

1. Mango
2. Pineapple (apples aren’t even the best fruit with apple in the name.
3. Bananas
4. GRAPES (as I poured a glass of cabernet I was reminded of the Jesus fruit)
5. Pears
6. Justin

Pineapple!?!?!?!?! Who just eats pineapple!??! When’s the last time you saw someone just going to town on a pineapple like “wow, I’m really glad I’m eating this and not an apple!”

Finally, as if to cement his foolishness in the annals of the Hall of Fool, he provided us this list “for funzies”

1. Tangerines
2. Cherries
3. Blueberries
4. Watermelon
5. Peaches
6. Justin

Hands up if you’ve ever known someone to eat a tangerine full stop. No one? Cool.

Rankings can be hard. To look at a group of like things and say “this one is better than that one” is a nuanced and complicated art that always leaves one open to rebuttal and ridicule. That’s part of what makes it so fun. 12 people can look at a group of things and arrive at 12 different rankings of them all with different and valid reasons for their rankings. That’s part of why The Algorithm helps us with the Weekly Power Rankings. It provides us with as close to an objective ranking of the league on a weekly basis as possible.

And while one might be tempted to look at Corey’s rankings of fruit and say “to each their own,” I think we can all agree that these rankings aren’t just wrong. They’re alarming.

Corey, we’re here for you. Let us know how we can support you as you go through whatever difficult time you’re clearly going through.

Also, incase you’re wondering if I wrote this column as a way to make fun of Corey OR as a way to annoy Scott with more “fruit talk.” Yes.

Chris is on top of the Power Rankings again. Cool man.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1SBHyVEi-udOQtrnICJMId_CM_P8tiAM8khxWHX7tqZE/edit?usp=sharing