The Fantasy Football Hot Tub Time Machine

If you can believe it, we’re almost HALFWAY through the 2020 Fantasy Football season. To celebrate that (and to give me a shorter column to write this week) I thought it’d be good for us to take a leisurely soak in the Fantasy Football Hot Tub Time Machine to see what the postseason would look like if the season ended today. So get on your swimmies, start up the soothing jets and journey with me to the soapy future…

IF THE SEASON ENDED TODAY. 

Playoffs. We’re talking about the playoffs. As a quick reminder, the four division winners get the first four seeds in the playoffs. So, if the season ended today, here is who would be our Division winners:

East: Adam Hulm (5-1). How the HELL is Adam 5-1? 2020 is wild.

West: Chris Gothard (5-1). Chris is riding the wave of an EXCELLENT draft.

South: Nathan Emmons (5-1). The Former Champ has been INDIANA STRONG this year. 

North: Scott Morgan (3-3). The North Division sucks. Scott sucks the least. 

Some combination of Adam, Chris, and Nathan would earn the 1st and 2nd seed and, by virtue of that, first round byes. The final two playoff spots go to the WILDCARD teams, that is the two non-divisional winners with the best records. These two teams would be:

Wild Card: Corey Leak (4-2) and Myself (3-3).

If the season ended today I would be the only non-Champ to make the playoffs. The seeding is a little tricky to forecast right now, but it could look something like this:

1. Chris
   BYE

4. Scott
6. Bryant

3. Nathan
5. Corey

BYE
2. Adam

Now, the Fantasy Football Hot Tub Time Machine can’t forecast so far into the future as to see game results, but it’s safe to say that a certain 6th seed would be successful enough to make it to the dance only to crash a burn as soon as he got there. Business as usual. 

Let’s take a look at the other side of the coin. If the season ended today, Jensen, Joey, Murkve, Austin and Justin would miss the playoffs, but at least they wouldn’t have to face the wings. That’s the Fantasy Football equivalent of having to go to the DMV to renew your license. Does it suck? Yeah. Are you going to get over it? Yeah. 

One person however is looking at a far more grim fate. If the season ended today, Kyle Morgan would get WINGED. His 0-6 record would send him straight to the nearest BDUBS to eat their hottest wings. That’s the Fantasy Football equivalent of having to go to the DMV to get your license renewed only the DMV is run by murderous bears. Are you gonna get through it? Yep. Is your face gonna get mauled and are you going to soil yourself publicly? Also yep.

At this point, it seems pretty likely that LAVA MEAT is in Kyle’s future. Even the Fantasy Football Hot Tub Time Machine seems pretty certain of this fate. But if there’s one thing that Fantasy Football has taught us in the past, it’s that there are no certain things. Joey, Austin and Justin are well within THE WING DANGER ZONE with 2 wins. Kyle might not be doomed yet. (I mean, theoretically. That dude’s totally catching the wings)

As we return to the present to take stock of our fantasy football teams remember this; The Future isn’t certain. The FFHTTM might have predicted a grim fate for you and your merry band of footballers, but there’s still plenty of time left in the season (unless you’re Kyle… getting late kinda soon for him). 

The future is written in pencil. 

The Commish.