Lego Death Stars

It’s been a weird year, and we all probably need a little help. 

When I think of 2020, I think of the annoying little sibling who enters your room when you’re out playing with your friends only to smash up your Lego Death Star. You get back to find the carefully arranged pieces of your magnum opus in every corner of your room and know that even if you tired you wouldn’t be able to put it back together again because there’s simply no way you could reunite the scattered pieces that have been lost. 

One of the things that 2020 has scattered for me has been my workout routine. This time last year I was crushing it, hitting the gym at least four days a week and getting in at least an hour and a half of cardio on top of that. I felt lighter and stronger than I had at any point in my entire life.

But a pandemic doesn’t really care about your carefully optimized schedule. It’s tough to work out when your gym, who under the BEST of circumstances could be labeled as ‘pandemic friendly’, is forced to close because having a bunch of strangers sweating all over each other is now suddenly a nightmare (unless you’re Meg Deb at which point I’d assume it’s something she dreams about fondly). 

So, we made the tough choice to cancel our gym memberships. Allison and I honestly didn’t know when, if ever, there’d be a future where we’d feel good going to a public gym again. We filled our physical health away in the “Folder of Things We Just Don’t Have Space To Worry About Right Now.”

Until last week. 

Last week we both noticed that we weren’t necessarily ‘happy’ with our physical health. Don’t get me wrong, that statement could be true of all of us and just about every single human being in America. I’m not saying we’re special, just that we took notice and decided to do something about it. 

This morning (Monday) we went on a run. Together. This is unheard of for us. Most of you know me well enough to know that I’m pretty recluse, which is a word here which means “Bryant likes to do things by himself.” It’s not that I don’t enjoy being with people, I do. I just like doing certain things alone. Allison has tried for YEARS to get me to go to the gym WITH her. But working out was one of the things that I preferred to do by myself. Even if we would go at the same time, I would drive separate, work out separate, and disconnect until we were back. It’s just the way I’m wired. 

However, staring at the hard pavement this morning, I came to a pretty solemn conclusion. I couldn’t do this by myself. Left to my own, I would take off shoes, ignore the outside world and embrace FAT as a once and present friend. Additionally, it had been so long since I had run that I wasn’t quite sure I knew how to do it anymore. What if I got out there, ran a quartermile, and decided I just couldn’t do it? What if I couldn’t pace myself the way I used to be able to? What if the bear everyone’s been posting about on my Nextdoor app is hungry? 

So, I went back into the house, looked at my wife and asked her to come on a run with me. After she recovered from the stupor of being asked to actually do something WITH her husband, she laced up her shoes and Team Olivas hit the pavement together. 

It would end up being my fastest run in two years. Not because the months of rest (or “load management” as Kawhi would call it) made it so I was athletically ‘fresh’. But rather because I was running with Allison, who is a much better runner than I am. She ran distance in highschool and was good. She properly paced us, corrected my form, and was the ‘spark’ I needed to get out there and back.

As I sit at my table, writing this and nursing a sore knee, I’m so grateful I asked her for help. And that’s what I want to encourage you to do too. 

Let’s face it, even in the best of times there are areas of our lives where we could use the wisdom, guidance, or encouragement of another. I’d assume that the whirling dervish of chaos that this year has been has unearthed even more areas where, if we were really honest with ourselves, we could use a hand. 

Maybe for you, you struggle with money. You have no idea how to invest, what to invest or even what the world ‘investment’ means. That’s okay. Release yourself from the guilt of not knowing what a ‘dividend’ is. Who cares how old you are and how much it seems like the rest of your friends know. If you need help, find someone who’s good with their money and ask. 

Or maybe for you it’s emotional or mental health. Maybe you feel like an imposter walking around all ‘put together’ for all the other ‘put together’ people at your workplace or in your social circle. Maybe you’ve felt ‘blue’ or simply nothing for a long time and you’re afraid to talk to anyone about it.  Forget that, find a therapist. Or find someone who can help you find a therapist. Or find someone who can help you find someone who can help you find a therapist. 

Or, as we roll into our NINTH year of Fantasy Football in this league, maybe you have no idea what you’re doing this year. Maybe you just haven’t had the time or emotional energy to do the research, listen to the podcast, and watch the ‘prediction shows.’ Maybe this year has been so draining and voiding that the draft simply snuck up on you. That’s okay, ask for help. You can start by asking me, although my advice might be to trade me your star RB for my kicker, I promise it’ll work out for you. Alternatively, you could find someone who’s an expert on Yahoo or ESPN or Bleacher Report and start reading their stuff. Because of the internet, it’s easier to ask for (and find) fantasy football help than ever before. 

Whatever it is, whatever you need, ask for help. 

One of the ways I’m doing this is by taking a Sabbatical. This year has been a never ending series of heymakers to us personally. Allison and I need help getting back to the center of who we are. From September 14th to October 4th (21 days) we’ll be off work, in and out of Georgia on different trips, and focusing on rest, relaxation and emotional and mental health. During this time, Allison and I are both doing counselling, some together and some separate (because, once again, I am a recluse), absolving ourselves of responsibilities, and in general turning ‘inward’

This is going to sound selfish, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t wrestling with this a bit, but we’re using the phrase “We Quit” as a rally cry for what we want this time to be. We quit our jobs. We quit ministry. We quit our relational commitments. For three weeks we’re putting down almost all of our responsibilities and focusing on ourselves and getting the help we need. 

Just about the only things I’m not quitting for three weeks is: my relationship with Jesus, my marriage, my propensity for eating way too many snacks and Fantasy Football. That last one comes with a bit of a catch though. 

I’ll obviously still manage my team and I’ll do the standard “Commish Stuff” while on Sabbatical. I’ll update waivers, manage the weekly pay outs, and put together some type of Power Rankings. But, chances are, this is the only “Commish Column” I’ll write until October 5th. I know that kind of sucks, and I even stressed out about finding people to cover those three weeks while I was away the same way I have been stressed out to find people to cover my ‘work responsibilities’. But, to be honest, I just can’t. If anyone wants to write for the next three weeks, I’d obviously welcome it. I’ll even throw it up on the site. I just need to be removed from the responsibility of it if that makes sense and isn’t too awfully selfish.

In a way, that’s what asking for help is. Selfish. But in a “hey I know i’m making it about me for a moment, but I need to to be the best I can be” kind of way. I think there’s something incredibly healthy about a being a little selfish from time to time.  

The only way to really find help in this world is to ask for it. So, as I spend the next three weeks focusing on that I want to give each of us a challenge. Sometime before October 5th, uncover something in your life that you need help with and ask someone for it. It could be anything. 

• Finances
• Marriage 
• Physical health
• Kids
• A hobby
• Call of Duty (Kyle and Joey… wink wink)
• Cooking (might I suggest Jensen if anyone needs help with their MEATS)
• Career advice
• Breaking a bad habit or mental state

It might feel awkward at first, but asking for help is like any other skill in life, it takes practice to get comfortable and good at it. So start doing it. 

As we cross the threshold into another great year of Fantasy Football, let’s together normalize asking for help. Not just for the big things, but for the small things as well. If any of us have any hope of putting our Death Stars back together, we’re gonna need to ask a friend or two to help us find all of our missing pieces, decipher the instructions, and keep 2020 the heck out of our rooms. 

See you in October,

The Commish