The Right Thing the Wrong Way

This past Friday night Allison and I were tasked with getting someone to their surprise birthday party. Her name is Kat and she’s someone Allison and I love and believe in a lot. But I hate parties. And I know for a fact that Kat does too, especially surprise ones. The people throwing her a surprise party were doing a nice thing, they just did it in the wrong way. 

And we were the poor fools who were tasked with getting her to the party.

So we faked a ‘hang out’ and as soon as she got into our car we looked at her right in the eye and said ‘hey, so you’re not gonna like tonight… but we have CAKE!” Earlier in the day we had picked her up a giant cake for her birthday and let me tell you, it was a good cake. I’m not good at much, just Fantasy Football, preaching and eating cake. So I know what a good cake looks like. We bought her the biggest one in the store covered with the most icing possible, as if it were a consolation prize to the awkward social experience we were all forced to conquer together.  

So we went to the party. And it was loud and lots of people were there and it was just kind of a lot. And we stayed as long as we felt we needed to. But the best part of the party was for sure the cake

And let me tell you, it was glorious. As I was eating it, I couldn’t help but think what it would have been like if we had sat at my kitchen table, the three of us, and ate half of a giant cake together in abject silence. It would have been exactly what Kat needed and honestly wanted on her Birthday.

If you’ve been in this league a while then you know I often write a couple of similar columns every year. This one is my yearly reminder that the right thing, the wrong way, is still the wrong thing.

The people who threw Kat her surprise party were doing the ‘right thing.’ It was the right thing to do something fun for someone they liked. It was the right thing to show her value. But, if they had put a little more thought into it, they might have realized that Kat would have felt more valued by a card or a get together with close friends than she did a big loud party. They did the right thing in the wrong way, and because of that they got a negative outcome. They did the OPPOSITE of what they were intending to do. Instead of valuing Kat, they stressed her out. 

Those of you who are married probably understand this concept well. You ever say the right thing to your spouse but at the wrong time or in the wrong way and get a negative response from it? Our wives probably remind us constantly that it’s less about what we say and more about HOW we say it. 

Or have you ever been at the gym and gone to do a lift or stretch but done it in the wrong way? Working out is obviously a good thing, but doing it in the wrong way can actually cause more pain in your body than good.  

The truth is, the ends never justify poor means. Winning at any cost isn’t winning at all. Even if you cross the finish line first, hit a billion home runs, or throw a party for a friend, doing it the wrong way makes a right thing, inherently wrong. 

So let’s talk about some of the wrong ways to do the right thing in Fantasy Football:

1. Collusion. Collusion is a word here which means secret or illegal cooperation or conspiracy, especially in order to cheat or deceive others. In this league, we loosely define Collusion as “when two (or more) owners are collaborating for a purpose that can / will break the game in an unfair manner”. I know there’s some grey area here. Technically, cooperating to pick up every QB on the waiver wire to insure I don’t have a playable QB is a form of collusion. But I’m not gonna pick nits on this one. The point is, we should all be focused on OUR TEAM WINNING. Usually, whenever we focus on another team losing instead of our team winning, and especially when we cooperate with other teams ‘under the table’ we might be in collusion. And that’s doing the right thing (wanting to win) in the wrong way. 
2. Tanking. Taking is like having a cold and walking around wiping your nose on everyone. All you’re doing is spreading your misery in a way that’s going to cause everyone else to hate you. In this league, there’s very little incentive to tank. Sure, you’ll have the number one pick next year. But you also might have to run a 5k and eat a burrito after every K. Or, you might have to endure the hottest wings at your local wing shop three nights in a row. Or you might have to wear crocs. On top of all of that, you’ll actually ruin the fun of 11 other people. Keep your gross germs, and your fantasy ineptitude, to yourself. Tanking is doing the right thing (playing fantasy football) in the wrong way. 
3. Being a Jerk. This one is a little bit more subjective. But I think we all want to play in a league that is respectful, authentic, and to a degree ‘safe’. We all probably deal with enough unpleasantness in our lives. We all probably have our fair share of run ins with jerks. Nobody should have to put up with that where they play Fantasy Football. It’s totally okay to mess around and joke with each-other, but let’s be aware and intentional to make sure we’re not taking things too far.  So, when in doubt, let’s default to kindness around here. To do otherwise is to do the right thing (being in community) the wrong way. 

Doing the right thing, the wrong way, is still the wrong thing. At our workplaces, in our families, and even in our Fantasy Football leagues. Let’s be people who prioritize doing things right, not just doing the right things. Because people who justify the means with the ends often end up justifying their influence, relationships, and impact far away. 

So let’s do the right thing the wrong way this week.